remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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