Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I got inside last night via doggy door
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize