Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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