he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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