a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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