What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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