Whatcha textin bout Willis?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize