I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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