Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
