In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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