We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
