Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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