The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize