Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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