super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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