i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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