It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
As shirtless as possible
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
