i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
