"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
