So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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