But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
