I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
