i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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