No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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