Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish i was in the wii world.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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