just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
