Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
