i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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