Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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