My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
