I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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