I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
