I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize