I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
now i know why i became what i already was.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
They took my balls.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
