you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
