i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
