No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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