you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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