I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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