Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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