Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
