roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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