This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
