Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
