True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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