I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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