She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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