HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
