theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
