woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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