You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
