Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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