Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
how do you play pong handcuffed?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
