that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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