she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize