Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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