the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
