The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
