I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
