Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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