Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I didn't notice because vodka
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
