is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
