I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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