Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I need water and some morals
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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