he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
