Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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