Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
