listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There are leaves in my underwear?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
