Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
