Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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