whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
