there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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