I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
