HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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