I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
