miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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