He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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