apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
