Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
whose parrot is this?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
