be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
