Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
