I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
