We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
