his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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