She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
