I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
