ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
