Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
