I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
