I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
