did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize