she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
