tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
