I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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