I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
