just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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