Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
