I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
