it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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