1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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