they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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