Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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