Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
