This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize