Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Quick, to the slutcave!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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