if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
