you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Mom said you looked used
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
