Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
