using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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