two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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