FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
