I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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