im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize