Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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