So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
