It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
