We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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