singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
