the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
